Be me, join a Star Wars 5e campaign that some Discord server I’m in was running because an APB for players got put outjoin
Some stuff happens, eventually the campaign actually happens
Be my character, some Mandalorian engineer girl with loose morals, all the PCs start in a casino and are happen to be looking for work
DM insists that this is “Open ended” and we can “Do whatever we want” but this proves to be a little unrealistic and the fact that we just kind of wind of awkwardly stalling and looking for a hook into something to do until a storyline is conjured
An oddly public callout winds up in our hands, I forget how, it was no adequately explored reason anyways and it doesn’t matter
We all wind up promising to do a job for some Hutt stealing an extremely valuable MacGuffin from a local bank, (also he had a hedgehog motif, I think the MacGuffin was a spine made of an exotic material.)
Alright then, we got a (Sentient humanoid)dinosaur, bird, me, and some guy who looks like a stock photo model
We blow our way into the bank and everyone almost dies (Not quite though) in the ensuing robbery, we escape and fuck off to heal
Part of our agreement with Sonic the Hutt back there was that we get the fuck off the planet after completing our mission for him. For... some reason, suits us just fine
A warning sign kind of comes up when none of us possess a great idea about what we want to do, or where we want to go
After finally deciding on a planet, we actually have one peaceful chill RP session where we go get lunch at a diner, probably the best part of the campaign ngl
Some other shit happens that doesn’t matter, we did one generic mission for nobody named in particular that results in an imperial warehouse getting destroyed
Another mission we do results in us hijacking a tank, and then being forced to abandon that tank and get the fuck out of doge
At some point, back in our in-game apartment (SW5e is set up in such a way where basic accommodations are insanely cheap) the DM starts pressuring us to
This was triggered, of course, by the fact that the lack of a cohesive narrative and way-too-open world left us, the players, grasping at straws and not really fucking sure what to doReaders, I'm going to take a break from the greentext format to say that just asking players the same question to make them second guess themselves is a really shitty idea if that’s the closest thing to a hint you give them, DM asked me quite a few times about it but wouldn’t fucking give me shit to go on when I did things like try to scan the planet for a good place to set us down.
After a vote, we democratically decide to join the imperials
Unbeknownst to the other players and I, between one player and the DM, who was entrusted with making contact, that person did in fact, not call the imperials
They called some high and mighty Sith shitlords who met up with us in an alleyway and promptly proceeded to kidnap us (Fun fact, I passed a check I wasn’t supposed to for getting knocked out but it didn’t matter :u)
Cool, whatever, a
littlelot railroad, but I’m a trooper and just happy to see that the plot is progressing.
Sith assholes dump us on a jungle planet, we kill a big ass bug and happen upon a super spooky cave™
Long story short it’s a MAGIC super spooky cave™ that makes you sensitive and corrupts you towards the dark side or whatever
I declined to enter because that shit was cursed as fuck and out of alignment with my character, like, more overtly going to steal your kidney Candy Mountain vibes
Everyone who enters the cave winds up doing some cool 1 on 1 thing with the DM that I wasn’t part of because there’s no way in hell I’d ever go in there
Everyone who went into the magic super spooky cave™ came out slightly magic and spooky (Read: Force sensitive)
I presume that losing all my shit is the price I pay for not going in because everyone who went in came out with all their stuff again, yay
Conveniently wind up at the military base of the bitch who kidnapped us, her goons nothing-personnel kid uncloak around us
We’ve been watching you the whole time.trope
Anyone who went in the cave is forced to auto-fail roles against this bitch so they kneel and can’t resist, almost glad I didn’t go in
She talks to everyone until she gets to me and is pissy that I didn’t “Accept their gift” when I didn’t want to be on this field trip anyways
Talking fails, headbutt the bitch to no effect because she’s super OP mega bbeg material cr18 or whatever, it was just about defiance since I knew I was fucked anyways
Get cut in half, leave voice call, urged to come back because apparently being cut in half isn’t fatal in Star Wars
If I had been revived, I’d have the same mind-worm bullshit that everyone who did go in, even though I angled very specifically to not be involved with sith bullshit wow I sure do love having agency
Group tries to claim “oh dm didn’t railroad us, we all agreed on this and sith adventures bla bla” and I'm the asshole here
Pretty bold fucking lie considering that I was neutral, and one guy basically hard to be dragged into agreeing
I did consent, but to working for the imperials, as in like, military, everyone in the group repeatedly glossed over the fact that the one PC basically betrayed us by calling a completely different faction
Some time passes, we resolve some shit and I make a new character
A combat droid ordered on the SpaceInternet™
We wind up on a mission for evil space bitch because they’re still under her command or whatever and are aligned with spooky Sith people
Don’t give a fuck because I’m a robot
Mission is to get some flowers and a bird for this government guy’s sick daughter, daughter unsubtley heavily implies there’s something special and secret out there
She implies she’ll pay big for it and spoiler alert she’s not really sick
Standard dungeon crawl ensues
Turns out the secret whatever is a holocron, I missed the second half of that dungeon because it took place in a session I wasn’t in
Apparently, they also fuck everything up when they return to hand in the quest in a 1 Full Henderson way somehow
They’re all mad at each other or whatever and I can do naught but shrug because I wasn't there (The campaign ran WAY too often for a while, like, 3x a week at times)
DM resolves to retcon the handing the quest in bit
We turn in the flowers to aristocrat assfuck and his daughter
A bunch of plot shit happens where we talk to the daughter, she reveals the thingy is a holocron bla bla the girl knows and hates our employer just as much as we do
There’s kind of sort of a really long reaching goal of going into deep unexplored space to find what we need to kill sith bitch or whatever which is nice
We part ways with one of our characters (our doctor) who wants to… oh who gives a shit I don’t even remember. He was basically the TF2 medic but more blatantly an asshole; the dinosaur character needed to be quickly extradited from the plot too because I guess they had another character idea?
Dinosaur character chokes on a fork in such a way where no medical science can save them oh no
We also got a Jawa PC at some point
We go to a much nicer planet for no adequately explored reason aside from advancing the plot and meet a tiny rabbit person played by the Doctor’s player
They slight-of-hand a PC’s wallet and “find” it as a hook to get into the party
We go to a bar and the dinosaur’s new character who bears a striking resemblance to Hellboy gets thrown through the window
“Something something my child has been stolen”
Thank space Jesus a plot hook we can roll with
We wind up at the hangar the child-stealing Trandoshans are chilling at and fight them
We lose and they get away
We wake up in the hospital and swear revenge
We go to raid the base of the Trandoshans and wreck their shit
The rabbit character causes immediate and severe friction between players by rogueing it up and stealing almost everything they can, going so far as to rush through to the end of the dungeon and taking the loot there because they can enter the entirely too convenient ventilation system. They went so far as to kill the boss and loot the final room with the loot in it too.
A lot of us are mad at a lot of us, apparently dividing the loot fairly isn’t one of the pieces of etiquette that certain people picked up (There was an oddly huge amount of money and goods in this base) and I’m the asshole for not being thrilled about the prospect of somebody just running ahead and nicking all the good loot and being at all displeased with it is mEtAgAmInG
My memory blurs a bit but we did eventually confront this and have another serious talk where we resolved to be less shitty to each other, which was alright
One dungeon full of dead children and money later we have a ton of money and also the child wasn’t actually Hellboy’s and she buggered off shortly after being rescued (Conveniently they were the only living child in this entire base dedicated to what I can only assume was human trafficking)
We elect to build a base on some ass end of the universe planet where nobody is going to bother us(?)
We’re kind of awkwardly trying to start our own faction, we wind up with a base, some droids, etc
We can’t really decide what kind of faction we’re supposed to be and all of my ideas are shot down, or literally impossible, nobody comes up with anything good for a while
Eventually the group decides on being one of those rag-tag factions for people with nowhere else to go or something, sure cool
We wind up doing some basic ass missions close to what is now “Home”
Some highlights include a mission where we got shot down by a turret on our approach to a mission and almost die.
This triggers some serious tense discussion because I considered it bullshit on account of the fact that we disagree on the specifics of “As close as possible” and whether or not that includes the landing area being "safe" and if it means “Within range of a fuckoff anti air canon” and whether or not I would be able to see such a thing before entering its range, at the end of the day we agree that I would’ve in fact been able to see it and everyone is annoyed with me as if I’m just somebody who can’t handle losing ever, despite the fact that our ship exploding is a big deal and everyone was twice as ready to be bitchy at me “for being the clueless idiot who got our ship destroyed”
Anyways, in the retcon edition the AA turret just doesn’t fucking exist but I defiantly land an hour’s hike from the camp anyway. (We were supposed to be debt collecting from the people at the camp)TL;DR, While it was fun in spots, not fucking worth it overall.
There are some alien assholes in stealth gear who we beat up on our way in, they don't speak galactic common, I cuff one, peace fails before it can even be tried with the pirates, I blow some bad guys up with a rocket launcher
The camp basically consists of a corrugated metal shack and some boxes; the shack was some kind of fucked up rape den full of dead people because the DM seems to love fucking going there with the whole "actually kind of fucked up" stuff
We almost have a minor positive note as one of them was still alive but one of the aforementioned stealth bastards proceeds to bastard things up and kills our unarmed defenseless rape victim we’re rescuing instead of attacking the 3+ armed combatants for no adequately explored reason
Stealth bastard dies for his trouble and we get the fuck out of dodge, the mission was basically a wash
We have two “actually-pretty-pleasant in a game-sense way” encounters back on what basically amounts to our ranch
One involves the Jawa antagonizing local wildlife and everyone but me and another PC going off to fight them (They nearly get killed, we rescue them because we're cool and heroic or whatever. It was actually p. fun)
The other involves an actually successful attempt to have us spooked where some actually-genuinely creepy ghost fucker shows up, we kill him
The final thing we actually did in game was blow up our hilbilly neighbor after rescuing his wife and then turning on him because he turned out to be kind of a piece of shit to women
More importantly, he was possessed by space ghosts or something, flew up into the sky, and I shot a rocket at him, this had the desired effect of reducing him to meat fireworks.
The ghost tried to do something spooky after I blew up its host, but it instead got frustrated and went away because I’m a robot and it can’t do force bullshit to me.
At this point I’m actually kind of having a good time and looking forward to where this goes next!
We go back home and the campaign comes to a halt because the DM starts to get seriously sick
We agree, there are about 2-3 weeks where nothing happens because we’re all concerned for the DM, occasionally checking up on them asking if they’re feeling OK
Turns out that the loss of momentum was a death knell for the campaign as the DM gets better and elects that “The whole Star Wars thing has gotten pretty out of hand”, they’re “Questioning if it was the right way to go” and “clearly not everyone is familiar with it” so “They found something much simpler that everyone should be familiar with”
Whips out a link to Fallout 5e wiki page
Can you hear that? It’s the sound of my investment in our previous campaign getting flushed down the shitter
“I mean if you want to go full sunken cost and keep going we can”
We vote and it’s 3 for “Whatever” 2 for Fallout, I didn’t even bother voting,=. “wOw nobody voted for starwars” DM says, I roll my eyes and turn notifications for the server off. I am fucking done.
At the end of the day the fact that I’m apathetic at best about Fallout is the final kick in the ass I need to abandon playing with this group
It is as if the circuit breaker that represents my interest in this campaign has been flipped into the OFF position.
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